今天保送考试的成绩出来

突然想起飘姐说的11月是最难熬的一个月，越来越感觉到了。看到大家或少确定自己到底是怎样一条路，我却一点底都没有。

学校照常去，顶着个没有奖学金就高考的名义还是一天一天熬下来了

虽说自己做好思想准备，但其实还是not ready

害怕一下子摔得太狠

自期中考试后就没觉得自己做了什么事 ，申请虽然一天一天进行，但总觉得什么都没弄。而时间也慢慢流走了。一点成就感都没有呵。

真的不知道应该怎么办，一个人的时候会很什么都不想干，其实就是周围有人还是会什么都不想干。总觉得ED已经把我抽干了……剩下的那点破血破肉做什么都没力气。在班上也是，虽然好歹跟着上课，其实和那个世界已经隔阂起来了。觉得自己好像什么都不属于，暗自会很羡慕那些一心一意做一手准备的人，又明白自己肯定得两手打算。很累啊……真的有时挺累的。但是话又说回来了，既然是自己选择的，就不要谈什么难受。

好想睡上个两三天……

I'm not mad, just changed my hotmail version into English, so the Chinese characters seem really awkward to me.

 

I haven't written in this supposed my space for a long time. Ever since Xiaonei has overwhelmed my life, I gradually lost what I cherished most: PRIVACY. Leaving messages, using real names, doing everything and having others (and sometimes people I don't like) know who I am are still against my will. I am not being stupid or anything, but I am just so used to only talking to a few, and being the few talked to. I hate to have everybody see what's behind the veil, but in the mean time, long for care.

 

SOMETHING HAPPENED, YET I AM TOO SLOW TO LEARN.

 

It's hard for me to believe, even told a million of times, that someone actually cared. GREAT? YEAH! BUT TOO GREAT TO BE TRUE.

 

I am comfortable of being an ant, or anything as small as a grain: to crawl all the way to a door, look inside, know I'm not going to be the one, retreat, and keep moving. Yes, exactly, this is how I have led my life. Too comfortable and inconfident to have anyone else. And then suddenly, I figured out that despite an ant's history,  I can actually shine, or, swell. How do I feel? YEAH, TOO GREAT TO BE TRUE.

 

It's not that I don't believe you, it's just I still need time to adjust. But I'm thrilled, really! It's like finally having someone see me when I am invisible. It's great. IT'S SIMPLY AWSOME! And I'm forever grateful for that.